Neurodivergent Prayers

Why prayer isn’t about paying attention.

There's a story of a little boy who wanted a new bike for Christmas, and rather than ask Santa for a new bike, he decided to ask Jesus for a new bike. And so he sat down to write his prayer to Jesus and he wrote it starting something like this, 

“Dear Jesus, if I behave and if I perform well in school, and if I obey my parents for four weeks, would you please give me a new bike?”

The little boy thought about it for awhile and realized four weeks is a long time to have to perform that well. And so he tore up that letter and decided to start over again this time writing, 

“Dear Jesus, if I'm good for just two weeks, if I behave, if I perform well in school, if I obey my parents, would you please give me a new bike?” 

The little boy thought about it again and decided two weeks is also a pretty long time to have to obey his parents and perform well in school. And so he tore up that prayer and started to write another prayer, doing the same thing, except this time he wrote, 

“Jesus, if I'm good, if I obey my parents, if I perform well in school for just one week, would you please get me a new bike for Christmas?” 

The little boy wasn't all that confident in his ability to perform well, even for just a week. And so he tore up that letter and threw it in the trash. He sat there and thought for awhile, how can I get Jesus to get me this new bike? And then a thought came to his mind. 

He runs into the living room of his grandmother's house. And on the mantle above the fireplace was a statue of the Virgin Mary, Jesus’ mother.

And so the little boy grabs the statue of the Virgin Mary ruffles through the drawer and finds some duct tape, puts some tape over the mouth of the statue, runs back into his room and throws the statue into his closet and closes the door. And he grabs another sheet of paper, sits down at his desk and writes another request to Jesus.

This time it went something like this. “Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again, you'll get me a new bike for Christmas.” 

Now I should say that that's not a true story. It's just a parable and it's a humorous one, but it does illustrate the lengths to which we're willing to go when we feel as though our requests to God are not working.

I mean, prayer is a pretty difficult thing to figure out. How do we know when we're doing it right? You know, I'm a pastor, but I'm also autistic. And to be honest with you, there are sometimes that I struggle with prayer. 

And so, let me ask you a question: Is prayer hard for you? If so, why? If it is hard for you, then let me ask you this, is it hard because somehow you have a difficult time paying attention? I mean, keeping your mind on the task at hand. 

Let me ask you another question. If prayer is hard for you and if prayer is something that's hard to keep your attention, then how do you know if it's working or not working? I mean, similar to the boy sometimes when it feels like the things that we want to communicate to God aren't working we're willing to try just about anything. 

But what if prayer was much more than just paying attention or what if prayer was much more than us working hard or performing in a perfect way in order to get God to listen to us? I mean, what does scripture really say about prayer and about our performance and our ability to pay attention?

You know there’s a great verse in Romans chapter 8, verse 26 that gives me a lot of comfort, even when I have difficulty praying because I have a hard time paying attention. And this is what the verse says, Romans 8:26: 

“In the same way the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit herself intercedes for us with wordless groans.”

You see, I have a difficult time sometimes praying because I have a hard time paying attention. And sometimes I don't know if what I'm doing or how I'm performing in that moment of prayer is actually working. I don't know if God is actually hearing what I have to say because I'm not performing in the way that I have always been taught I need to perform in ways to get God to hear me. 

But I like this scripture from the writer of Romans because it suggests that in the same way we read books, the Spirit can read our bodies. See prayer doesn't work because of how much work we put into it. And prayer doesn't work because we have the perfect ability to pay perfect attention.

No prayer works because of the Spirit's intention. 

Let me say that again, prayer doesn't work because of how much work we put into it. And prayer doesn't work because we have the ability to pay perfect attention. But rather what I believe the writer of Romans is saying is that prayer works because of the Spirit's intention to hear us.

So what are you saying? I'm saying that God intends to hear our prayers and God intends to hear our prayers, not by pressuring us to perform, but by inviting us to participate. The Spirit helps us in our weakness. And in the same way that we read books the Spirit can read our bodies. 

And so sometimes the reality is that it can be challenging to pray. It can be challenging to pay attention. It can be challenging to know whether or not what I'm doing is working, but the challenge is not for us to put in more work, but to participate with the work that the Spirit is already doing. 

So whether if you're lying down or standing up know that the Spirit is reading your body. Whether you're walking or running or hopping or skipping or stimming, know that the Spirit is responding to your body.

Whether you're crying or laughing, the Spirit is not only responding, but the Spirit is also revealing your words to God. Whether your mind is wandering, or even if you don't use words at all, the Spirit is reading. The Spirit is responding. Most of all, the Spirit is revealing your innermost thoughts and desires to God.

And in doing so the Spirit is relieving us from the pressure to pray perfectly, to perform perfectly, to pay attention perfectly and instead is inviting us not to pray perfectly, but to pray faithfully because we know God has given us someone to help us, even when we don't know what to say or how to stand or whether we should kneel or even when we struggle to pay attention. 

Romans 8:26, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit herself intercedes with wordless groans.” 

Prayer doesn't work because we work hard. Prayer works because God has given us a Spirit who participates with us, who reads our bodies and relays those messages of our innermost thoughts and desires to a God who cares and who intends to hear what we have to say.